What Happens at Your First FDR Appointment?
The first FDR appointment can feel intimidating, particularly if you have never participated in mediation before. Understanding the process can make it much easier to prepare.
Before a mediation session takes place, an accredited FDR practitioner will generally undertake an assessment to consider whether FDR is suitable. This is an important part of the process because family disputes can involve safety concerns, family violence, power imbalances, child safety issues and significant emotional distress.
The practitioner may ask about your relationship, separation, the issues in dispute, current parenting arrangements, communication, previous attempts to resolve the dispute, court proceedings and any concerns about safety.
If the dispute involves children, you may be asked about their ages, schooling, routines, relationships and particular needs. If the dispute involves property, you may be asked about the nature of the assets and liabilities and what information is available.
The Intake and assessment / pre-mediation are different from the joint mediation itself. The practitioner needs enough information to determine whether the process can safely and appropriately proceed and determine the best way to manage the process.
You should answer questions honestly. Information about safety or family violence is particularly important because it may affect how FDR is conducted or whether it should occur at all.
Before attending your first appointment with the mediator, make a list of the issues you want resolved and gather relevant documents where requested. The initial appointment with the mediator will be confidential (apart from their mandatory reporting obligations or as required by law), and the mediator will not share details with the other party without your consent.
You do not need to pretend that separation is easy. It is normal for people to experience anger, sadness, anxiety or frustration throughout the process. If you become overwhelmed, tell the practitioner. Breaks or alternative arrangements may be considered where appropriate. The first appointment is an opportunity to explain your circumstances and understand how the process can work for you. Good preparation can make the experience more manageable and productive.
A useful preparation exercise for your first appointment may be to write down three things:
What matters most? Identify your priorities.
What does the other person need? You do not have to agree with them, but understanding their concerns can reveal possible solutions.
What could I compromise on? Knowing your negotiable and non-negotiable issues can help you stay focused.
Some further things to consider:
- What outcome would make the biggest practical difference for the children?
- Which parts of the proposal are essential and which could be negotiated?
- What is the most important issue that needs to be resolved?
- What would the proposed arrangement look like and how it would work practically?
- What happens when circumstances change?
- What information would help both participants make an informed decision?
A Simple Preparation Checklist:
Before your appointment, write a short timeline of the important events leading to the current dispute. Keep it factual and avoid turning it into a detailed history of the relationship.
Prepare a one-page list of the issues you want to discuss. Put the most important matters first. If the discussion becomes difficult, this list can help you return to the purpose of the session.
Consider what information the practitioner may need to understand the dispute. If you have documents that are relevant, organise them so they can be located easily rather than bringing large amounts of unrelated material.
The assessment stage is also an opportunity for you to ask questions as the mediator will also explore the issues in dispute with you and prepare you for the mediation. You can ask how the mediation will be structured, whether it will be online or face-to-face, how breaks are managed, what information you should prepare and what happens if the process is not suitable.
It can help to prepare a short opening statement. You do not need a speech. A few sentences explaining what you want to resolve, what is most important and what you hope to achieve can help you begin calmly.
If there are children involved, avoid preparing them to deliver messages or take a position. Children should not be coached about what to say during an adult dispute.
Finally, remember that preparation does not mean predicting the outcome. Go into FDR with a clear understanding of your priorities while remaining open to practical alternatives.
FDR is designed to help people negotiate, but the mediator cannot provide legal advice.
Consider obtaining independent advice if you are unsure about your legal rights, the effect of an existing court order, the consequences of signing an agreement, or the options available if the dispute remains unresolved. The appropriate advice will depend on the individual facts of your matter.
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